What is in a name...

Ben wanted to name this "Parks and Recreation". I think that's actually funny except the next 24 hours will probably be anything but "recreation" for me considering the shear number of people who will be putting fingers and other extraneous instruments up my Woo-Ha. So, until then, it's officiall "Parked"-like my butt on a puppy pad-laden hospital bed.

We check into the hospital at 7pm where the first part of the induction process begins. For those wanting technical terms, it means they place the first dose of Cervadil on my cervix to get it to "thin out" or efface. For others wanting more intimate details of my nether regions, I am currently 1.5cm dilated and 80% effaced as of last check up. Hopefully the Cervadil gets us to 100%.

Then, at 7am in the morning they start me on a drug called "Pitocin". This is the man-made version of "Oxcytocin"-the hormone that starts labor naturally in women that, well, START LABOR NATURALLY (Hint Parks, get out of Mama's uterus-I don't know if ten pounds is your personal "goal weight" before meeting mom and dad...but, please, save some "goals" to reach once your here. Your mom's vagina will thank you for it.)

For those NOT wanting technical terms, "Cervadil" is a fancy smancy word for MODIFIED PIG SEMEN. I haven't told Ben this yet because I don't want to hear all the jokes that are to follow. Just know that for some reason, Pig Semen carries the same prostaglandins as human male semen (both of which soften the cervix). Ben got me to 80% and some poor pig had to die to get me to 100%. Pigs really are nice animals.

We are off to the movies and to eat despite me placed on "bed rest" for my horrible swelling. This is mainly because if I watch one more Discovery Health show about child birth and collapse into tears Ben might divorce me and I might run away and not show up at the hospital until they've discovered ways to remove babies from bodies that don't involve my vagina or an elective C-section.

Come on people...get on that!